Wednesday, January 26, 2011
LEARNING MODULE 2
Gender is a social construction; a category of difference invested with meaning. As Simone du Beauvoir states: “one is not born a woman; one becomes a woman”. In light of our assigned readings this week, please write (in 4 paragraphs) a mini-“gender autobiography” for yourself. The two readings for your on-line module are larger examples of this. Make this a personal story. Think of your early years, how was gender inscribed by the key people and institutions in your life? What were the primary expectations about how you were to behave, think, feel, etc. Did you ever feel limitations or restraints (or advantages) for what you could and could not do; who you could and could not be based on dominant gender assumptions? Then, as you have grown, how do you “do gender”; in what ways do you perform, practice, embody your gender? What are the dominant “scripts” that influence how you “do gender”? Where do they come from? Do you ever challenge gender normativity or normative gender differences? How?
I was one of the lucky girls growing up that had a cool older sister that helped me figure life out. She is six years older and she did my hair, picked out my outfits, and taught me the cool things the "older girls" were doing. In my eyes my sister was and still is beautiful and perfect in every way. I grew up playing sports that took over all of my free time and then some. In elementary school I was not concerned with getting a boyfriend, just wanted to prove that I could beat any of the guys up if they messed me. I remember perfectly one day my gorgeous older sister came to my school and ate lunch with me and my friends. After lunch in 5th period my biggest crush asked me to be his girlfriend, I asked why all the sudden because he had never talked to me before. His reasoning was that he saw how attractive my sister was, so he wanted to date me in hopes that I would one day look like her. Needless to say, a gave him a nice little slap to the face.
ReplyDeleteIn my eyes my sister was the perfect example of feminism. She was the girlie one and I was the athletic one. Most of my friends where guys only because they were easier to get along with and I did not feel like putting in the effort to make peace with the girls. Middle school was a completely different story for me. I was still the star of every sports team, but I also become what my friends called the "queen bee" of the 7th grade. I had a little group of girls that followed me around and a new boyfriend every week. My parents did not allow me to wear make up yet but I hide some in my backpack and put it on as soon as I was outta sight of the carpool line.
I wondered what changes I had made between elementary and middle school to go from one of the guys to the popular girl in school. I soon realized that all these friends I thought I had when I was "popular" were not real friends at all, and those boyfriends, could not trust them as far as you could throw them, which for me was farther than most girls. I was rude to girls for no reason and treated others poorly.
After I figured out I was not treating others how I want to be treated I also realized I was not acting like myself. I made the decision to be true to myself in high school and I am so glad I stuck to it. I made true friends that I would not trade for the world and we are still close to this day. Most people do not remember how rude and terrible I was in middle school, thankfully. Most girls think it is important to be the prettiest or the most popular girl in the school. I do not know if the stereotype of gender is to blame for girls being fake and treating each other badly. I'm not at all proud of the person I used to be in my preteens, but I am so glad that I realized as early as I did that I was not being myself. None of those surface things are important, no matter what the cool female gender is portrayed.
Starting June 13th, 1992 I was known to the world that I was a girl, and nothing but a girl. From the nurses wrapping me in a pink blanket to the stork in our front yard to my decked out girly room, my parents were letting the world know their first-born child was a girl. As I turned a year and half my little baby sister sprung into the world and that is when my nurturing began. I always wanted to play and take care of my baby sister, as my mom still tells me to this day, I was the best big sister. Then as I turned three my parents signed me up for my first dance class, of course it wasn’t a pleasant sight, I was only three! But obviously either I enjoyed it or my mom did because I continued with dance till I was in middle school. My parents let me try other sports like soccer, but lord knows I was terrible at it, so that only lasted a season. “Boy” sports were not for me; I had absolutely no talent for them.
ReplyDeleteBy the time I was five years old my parents managed to have three more little kids, since I was the oldest of four right away I tried to copy everything my mom did. She was probably the key individual in my life that helped me understand societies norm of an ideal “girl”. Ever since I can remember I have always wanted to do what she does which was be a house mom. Most people think that is so old fashion, which is fine, but it is something that I think is so important. Having my mom always around while my dad worked helped me grow as an individual.
My family has three girls and one boy, and we sure did torture him. As he grew older my parents put him on the little leagues football team, and that’s when I started to wonder why girls weren’t playing on the same team as him. Lord knows I wouldn’t want to play but other girls might have the talent to play on a guys level. As this age I was very curious about things and asked my dad why girls weren’t playing with him and his answer was simply “it’s a guy’s sport”. That ticked me off, and to this day I still give him a hard time about that.
As I mature and get older I look back at all my youth experiences and thank them for shaping me into the woman I am today. Without the dance classes, the playgroups, and nurturing my siblings I would not be the same. I have never challenged the gender normality, because I understand there is a reason we “do” different things. If each gender did the same things life would be totally boring. Today I am not athletic however I do enjoy working out, shopping, and hanging out with my friends. Some might say I am such a girly girl but that’s who I am, and I am proud of it.
That was 4 paragraphs but the spacing messed up when it posted! Sorry!!
ReplyDeleteOn September 4th, 1990 my parents welcomed their first child, a girl. Luckily for my mom, my aunt knew how to smock so the first 5 years of my life I was always in a frilly dress and had a bow in my hair that took half my head. When I was about two years old, my family decided to move out of my grandmothers house and build our own. Where most children would want to be inside in the cool air conditioning, I was always two steps behind my dad carrying rocks, nails, or anything else that he’d let me assist him with. Most saw this as just being daddy’s girl considering I looked and acted just like him.
ReplyDeleteThrough the ages 5-10, the smocked dresses became only at special occasions. After the first few weeks of kindergarten, these beautiful dresses would be demolished through unlimited amounts of dirt, food, and markers. Thankful, I had just had a new sister arrived and was able to pass down these dresses and take on cute blouse and skort outfits. Now I was able to run and jump and play as hard as I wanted. Where most girls were playing house, I was on the football field with the boys. I loved football and played just as hard as anyone else.
When I was about 11 years old, I finally started to see the social difference between girls and boys. It was one day when my best friend, who was a girl, and I went to go play at my other best friend’s, who was a boy, house. When we pulled up there was a neighborly football game going on and I jumped right in. I remember telling my girl friend to come on and join, but she just looked like I was crazy. She told me “girls don’t play football” and ran inside to play with my guy friend’s younger sister. That moment was like having a thousand knives shoved right into my stomach. I mean I had never heard of a girl playing football, but I just thought it was because no one loved the game as much as I did. I soon learned that scraped up knees and bruises wouldn’t get you asked to middle school dances and that you no longer had guy friends, but instead boyfriends. I now realize that the crucial part when society tells us what is female and male is those impressionable middle school years.
In high school and early college years, the gender role’s started to slow down to some degree. Guys and girls can still be friends without having to be girlfriend and boyfriend. Now girls should still wear dresses to date parties and guy shouldn’t cry over ex-girlfriends after a few drinks, just to make social gender standards stay in some kind of order. In the end, we realize that we are more alike than different and that society is really the only that determines what’s boyish versus what’s girlish.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAfter giving birth to two boys, my mother was extremely excited to welcome her first daughter into the world, me. She had been anticipating having a girl for so long that when I finally came along, she was so eager to dress me in pink and put little bows in my hair. As I grew older, she bought little Barbie dolls for me to play with but I seemed to disappoint her. In growing up with my older brothers, I never wanted to play with dolls; instead I would play with their Power Rangers and other action figures. My mother tried to get me interested in "girly" things but I always wanted to be like my older brothers. I didn’t understand why they could have certain things and I couldn’t.
ReplyDeleteBy the time I reached kindergarten, I began to show interest in several different sports activities. From cheerleading to baseball to gymnastics, I loved it all, but I always asked, "Mommy, can I play football?" She had to explain to me that football was a "boy sport" and the more feminine sports were things like dance and gymnastics. I was slightly disappointed that I couldn’t be like my brothers, but I guess this talk was pretty effective because I participated in gymnastics and dance for 10 years.
In my middle and high school years, I wasn’t a “typical girl.” Many girls that I knew focused on their look, status, and what everyone else thought about them. I was never one to care so much about appearance or what other people thought because I was comfortable with how I looked and presented myself. I mainly had male friends because I did not like the drama that girls always brought. I am very happy that I did not try to act like the other females, but instead “doing gender” in my own individual way.
My mother allowed me to BECOME the woman I am today. She taught me how a lady should behave, and also how a woman should not behave. Growing up with two older brothers, I needed someone to explain why males act and behave differently. I still have a love for sports and athletic things of that nature, but who ever said females could not show interest in these activities. I have never been a “girly girl,” but I do enjoy feminine things such as make-up, shopping, etc. I guess one could say that I “do gender” by partaking in these activities
I was the first born of two children in my family and my parents didn't know they were having a girl until I came out because they wanted a surprise. My mom always dressed me in really frilly dresses and I don't think there are hardly any pictures without a bow in my hair. However, my mom let me decide what activities that I wanted to participate in as long as I finished out whatever it was I chose to do. First it was dance and then I discovered I didn't like that. Next was teeball and I hated that too. Finally I found what I loved, gymnastics. My parents taught me to be myself but to respect others and their opinions at the same time. I consider myself to be pretty "girly" and have never really enjoyed any activities that involve getting dirty. I don't think this mindset was forced on me in any way because of the freedom that my parents allowed me while growing up to express myself in just about any way that i wished. I think that I "do gender" the way that society expects me to be a female but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love to shop, wear make-up, get my nails and hair done and wear things that are in style. I realize that I am conforming to what society expects me to be and I am okay with that. I love the life I live and I wouldn't have it any other way. I respect others choices whether it be the way they choose to dress or their sexual preferences. We are all people and I know that everyone is different and not everyone wants to be the same way I do.
ReplyDeleteI was the second child born in my family; I have an older sister and a younger brother. When my mom was pregnant with my older sister my parents were expecting a boy the whole time and when she popped out my dad cried. When I was really young my mom told me that I was attached to her at the hip and would never leave her side, she told me I would pitch a fit every time I went to my dad and I’m sure that frustrated him. But as I grew a little older I started tagging along with my dad. My dad got me into sports as early as possible. I began playing T-ball at age three or four and started playing football at age six. My dad also introduced me to hunting and fishing. Some of my greatest memories as a child are from when my dad coached me in football and took me hunting.
ReplyDeleteMy parents never pushed me into doing something I didn’t want to, but they would usually steer me into the right direction and made sure I made the right choices. They always let me chose the sports and activities I wanted to participate in; but when I chose to do something my parents made sure I stuck with it and wouldn’t let me quit during the season. I always wanted to do the things my dad did and I wanted to be just like him. I think my dad was the main factor that shaped me into a young masculine boy.
Now that I am grown I think I “do gender” by being a man and doing manly things. I love sports, hunting, fishing, and hanging out with friends. I enjoy being a man and I wouldn’t want anything different. I think I practice gender by just being around my friends who enjoy the same type of things that I do. My dad is one of my greatest influences and I strive to be like him and I hope to be as good of a man as he is when I am all grown up. I feel like I am a pretty normal male and I don’t really ever challenge the gender norm.
I have been told that when I was much younger I would refuse to wear dresses, or bows, or anything too girlie. Which is pretty ironic, because today it is basically the complete opposite.
ReplyDeleteMy mom, who had the most say in what I would wear and what I could or could not do, is a very laid back woman. There was never much that she would say no to, so I tried a lot of things as a child. I play basketball, soccer, piano, did ballet, and had a short stint with gymnastics. Minus the ballet and gymnastics, I was definitely a tom boy (my mom's hair dresser told me that once). There was even a time when I rocked a bowl cut, and had a man mistake me for a boy.
What I am trying to say here is that the pressure of being a "girly-girl" did not come from the my family. Although, my very german grandmother would buy me the frilly dresses and try to make me sit around with her and do crafts (yes, including knitting). I guess over time I changed from tom-boy to girlie through social influences like school. Because now that I think about it, my friends (who I went to school with since I was four years old) were just as not-"girly" as I was. Sure, we were all "doing gender" in kindergarten when we would pick the purple crayon instead of the dark green, or when the girl's uniforms were jumpers and the boy's were shorts and pants. But we girls had the option of wearing shorts and pants, and I wore shorts just about everyday. Getting back on track, I would assume that over time me and my friends gradually became more feminine by seeing the girls older than us become more and more feminine. We would always see the high school girls in their cute plaid skirts, with their hair down and make-up done, and how pretty they looked. And how cool they looked. And then slowly over the years it became more and more un-cool to wear just jeans and a t-shirt on "out-of-uniform" days.
Now I "do gender" like no body's business. But I don't see it as a bad thing. I put on make-up and do my hair almost every day. I need boys to help me with heavy lifting or fixing something that's broken. I strongly believe that a guy should always hold the door, pay for dinner, and call (or now days, text) you first. NEVER call or text a guy first. But all of these ideas are from my mom, who is old fashioned about certain things. Once, I was going to meet a guy at a movie, but my mom told me that he would come to my house and pick me up, or I would not be going. Today, I am so glad that she did that. For me personally, there is nothing wrong with "doing gender" as long as I still have the chance to do what I want to do. I have yet to encounter a situation where I have been told no or where I was not able to do something that I wanted because I was a girl. Probably, because I would naturally just argue back if I were told that.
I was marked by gender the day I was born—wrapped in a pink blanket with signs all around announcing, “It’s a girl!” At age four, I started going to preschool. My mom had thought cutting my hair short was a good way “to show off my beautiful face.” I’m sure many people would have mistaken me as a boy if I weren’t always wearing a frilly, girly dress with a gigantic bow in my hair every time I went out in public. My haircut wasn’t the only boyish feature I had; you could find me on a Saturday afternoon either building an entire town made out of Legos for hours or painting fake tattoos of snakes swirling all the way up my arm with my dad. After school, you could find me going on walks through the woods with my best friend Eric, or always finding something adventurous to do. Eric was one year older than me, so he was always one step ahead of me. I did everything he did—which could explain why the term “tom-boy” would be used to describe me at my young stage in my life.
ReplyDeleteSports were introduced in my life at the age of four when I joined my first soccer team. Following that, I had also joined t-ball, swim team, backetball, tennis, dance, gymnastics, and even got into riding dirt bikes because of my dad. I was constantly playing sports all the time, and the thing was, I was decently good at every one. I had gone into elementary school and still continued to find the sport that was just for me. Getting older, the competition and dedication became a higher demand, so we slowly had to choose which sports I would spend more time on and let the other ones go. By fifth grade, I was constantly practicing and playing soccer, tennis, and swimming.
In elementary school, I continued to play the role as a “tom-boy” and would be one of the girls at recess playing in the boys’ game of soccer or basketball. I had stayed close with my best friend Eric, and I was extremely close with all my boy neighbors—always getting a game of basketball or kickball going in our cul-de-sac. I wasn’t always such a boy all through elementary school; I had creating an interest in American Girl dolls and had about five with every accessory you could imagine. I would take time off from playing basketball in the street to play dress up with my girl friends. Fifth grade was the time I realized all the other girls had grown out of dolls and dress up and were interested in cool clothes and make-up, and all I really had true interest in were sports. By this time, I was on a club soccer team with practices and games 4-5 times a week—an earlier start than my other friends. I did however have a chance to grow out of my “tom-boy” stage as I transitioned into middle school. It wasn’t a hard change, or a forced change because I felt out of place—it was more of a natural change because I was growing up.
By all means, I didn’t turn into a girly girl; just had a change of interest in some things. I started to have crushes on boys, put on a little make-up, and even started to straighten my hair in the morning instead of just pulling it back into a ponytail. I still continued to play soccer and other sports; continued to give boys a run for their money in PE class; continued to try to be the best at everything. Not much changed when I went into high school besides just maturing more. I had a good group of girl friends where I could do all the girl stuff with and still had best friends that were boys where I could let my “tom-boy”-self come out a little around them. My mom always ask if I could be just a little bit more girly, maybe she wants me to fit society’s role of a female—but if I changed myself to fit that, I wouldn’t be the girl that I am today. I like that I am a young lady that enjoys to get dressed up and perfect my hair and makeup before I go out, and still be able to throw on my soccer cleats and go out on the field and play a pick up game of soccer with boys and other girls and get a little dirty. If every girl were to fit society’s role of a female, the world would be a boring place.
When I was growing up, I had my mother to dress me and to play with. I always played with dolls. I was never a tom boy as they call it. I have two brothers and no sisters and I was always girly. Usually in a case like that the girl would end up being boyish too. I am close to both of my brothers I would play with them all the time, but I am a girl and I knew that. I would wear skirts, pretty pink shirts, have my hair done in beautiful plats.
ReplyDeleteDon't get me wrong I love sports, I use to play catch and baseball and football with my family in the front yard, but I also love dressing up and playing with my baby dolls. My youngest brother plays football, baseball, and basketball I try to go to all of his games and I always knew what was going on in the games. I am a dancer, I danced for 11 years with Dale Serrano Studios doing tap and jazz. I love dancing and want to get back into it. I was also a cheerleader for 5 years, I liked cheering on the football and basketball team.
I also had a lot of friends when I was smaller. So being a dancer and had a lot of friends that were girls, I had no choice in being a girl. I don’t like wearing baggy jeans and big t-shirts. I like wearing fitted jeans and a shirts that is fitted and compliment my body. I like wearing earrings, different kinds of jewelry, getting my hair done, sitting at a nail shop every two weeks, I like that my belly button is pierced. I like my girl body especially my curves. I love being a girl too much and I really cannot see myself as a boy. This is me born as a girl and I will always be a girl.
I’m my mom’s only child and from the day I was born she has always tried to put me in the cutest clothes and make sure I looked my best. Reflecting back on my life, I see that as a child I was always the little girl who never got dirty at school and who always tried to keep my hair up if possible, even in elementary school I tried to stay nice and neat. My mom would always buy me nice clothes and I’d never want to mess them up because they were so pretty. She did my hair every morning before I went to school and I’d try to keep it that way for the whole day. It wasn’t that I was told not to get dirty that was just my mind-set. I had tons of dolls and even collectable Barbie’s along with the Barbie mansion. I was put in ballet classes (which did not last long at all), became a cheerleader for a pee wee football team and a twirler for the city.
ReplyDeleteIn my late elementary years I tried becoming a so-called “Tom-boy” and I didn’t want to wear anything girly, I was just worried about playing with my friends but not getting too dirty because I hated being dirty at all. In middle school years I quickly did away with the “Tom-boy” ways and was always worried about what I’d wear to school, how it would look on me and who all would notice. Through high school I was always told that “A lady is to be seen, not heard”. As a cheerleader back then I was always supposed to be heard at all costs while cheering of course but when I wasn’t, I was taught that I was supposed to be lady-like and mind my manners when out in public.
As I’ve grown I have embraced being a woman. I try to uphold how far we’ve come by exercising my right to vote and looking my best at all costs when attending an event. The underlying factors that influence me are my family members and the people I surround myself with. I see that being a woman involves not only looking the part but acting accordingly also.
I don’t challenge gender normativity because I believe that sooner or later a person is going to be whatever they intend to be whether it be feminine or masculine. No one can make a person be something they are not. I’m feminine not because it was how I was raised but because I enjoy being a feminine woman.
During my early years in life gender was inscribed in me in a very specific way. My parents and people of authority in my life always described gender to me as a lifestyle. When I was young I did not realize it, but now that I am older I can see it. One thing I remember from my childhood days, I was always taught to be tough in every situation. Boys were always supposed to be getting dirty or playing rough. Specifically I can remember a visit to the doctor when I was growing up. I was going to get a shot that day and my mom told me before I went that I didn’t need to cry. She told me crying was for girls. At a young age being called a girl or referred to as being a girl was an insult to a boy that age.
ReplyDeleteThat trip to the doctor is a prime example of a limitation to being a boy at a young age. I also felt many advantages to being a boy. Boys were always faster and stronger than the girls. My family has always been an athletic family, and being a good athlete was a way of life. So being more athletic than a girl to me at that age was an advantage. Growing up in my opinion boys took the role of the dominant gender. Girls at that age stereotyped boys as mean, nasty, big, smelly, and strong. Although this was true in some way they had a gender assumption.
As I have grown older, all of my views have changed completely. I now gender males differently and gender females differently as well. I was raised to believe that the male is the king of the household and is suppose to provide and protect his family. In my opinion a female is also a provider for the family, but in a different way. Women today are getting high paid jobs and also supporting the finances of a household. I view women today as much stronger and independent. There are many women today that are raising a family by themselves without a male influence and are having great success. Males in today’s society in my opinion still dominate, but women are closing quickly.
The dominant “scripts” that influence the way I “do gender” is defiantly my upbringing and tradition in my family. My family is a very conservative family. Many of the conservative views have been passed down from generation to generation. In my personal life females will never be equivalent to males. I have no reason to why, just the way I was raised. My family background has the same patterns, male works and provides while the female stays home and provides in different ways. In my life I do not challenge gender normativity. I believe that society is correct in the way gender is perceived. There is nothing I would change or want to challenge.
I was the first-born, the child my mom thought she might never have, the little princess. There was not a day in my early years that I was not wearing something girly, whether it was a smocked dress, something monogrammed, or something pink, and I always had a giant bow in my hair. I was a toddler with an attitude though, I did not like snow and I did not like to play in the leaves like most kids do. My parents broke me of that pretty quickly, and I was just like any other child growing up in the early 1990s.
ReplyDeleteAll of my parents friends had little girls, so I was never influenced by anything that was not “girly”, per say. I did love the Power Rangers, but I wanted to be the pink one, surprise! When I was four I took my very first dance class with The Richmond Ballet. I was enthralled with ever aspect of tap and ballet, from the leotards, to the tutus, to taps on my shiny black shoes. However, when I wanted to quit, my mother let me. I wanted to take gymnastics, so gymnastics was my next endeavor, although that only lasted two years before I wanted to go back to ballet.
When I was six, my little brother was born, and from that day on I was referred to as “mom number two”. I wanted to help with absolutely everything. From the age of four my brother played t-ball, flag football, and basketball. He has continued with all three sports, as well as golf and lacrosse, and occasionally getting involved in other activities like karate. Around the time my brother was born I started getting involved in Girl Scouts, and I loved it. I continued with it through the eighth grade. I went to public school through the eighth grade, but in ninth grade I began attending a private all-girls school. I loved everything about it. I was introduced to sports like field hockey and lacrosse, and in the spring of 2005 I began playing lacrosse. I had found my calling, along with dance.
Growing up, my parents never forced me to do things that were inherently girly; I wanted to do them of my own accord. As I have grown and matured, I have realized that my parents letting me get involved in the activities that I wanted to do has shaped me into the woman I am today. Men and women do things differently because if we were all the same life would be boring. I no longer play lacrosse or dance, but I do enjoy sports. My boyfriend says I am the exception to a lot of girls because I actually understand sports and enjoy watching ESPN. I enjoy shopping and shoes and makeup and other “girly” things because that’s who I am. I admire my mother more than any woman in this world, and I am very proud of who she has taught me and allowed me to be today.
@Casey McDaniel
ReplyDeleteI grew up the same way with an older sister who was always considered the "girly" one and me the athletic one. Like your sister, she did my hair and taught me how to be more girly. She was my example of feminism and without her I'd probably still trying to beat up boys in my class.
@mctittle
ReplyDeletei grew up also always being into sports way more than other girls--except football wasn't one of them i got to try, until high school with powder puff which i wouldn't say is too much like football. i always think how i wish i was a guy so i could play football--sucks that it isn't a sport girls can join in to play now that we're older. but i really liked how you pointed out that the gender roles calm down in late high school/college years and realize we are more alike than different--i didn't really think about that until now and how true it is.
@Lexi Wendt
ReplyDeleteyou're story was very similar with mine. i was considered a "tom boy" when younger (and yes even had a bowl cut!), except my mom made me wear dresses and bows everyday. i played every sport and still do a lot of them now. but before when i hated to put on those dresses, now i love getting ready and i agree with you i think it was the atmosphere around you that made you realize that's just what "girls do"--they dress up and do their hair and makeup. i think a lot of girls go through a "tom boy" phase when younger, and grows into a mature young lady that enjoys the act of getting ready.
@btparr
ReplyDeleteMy dad was the same way with my younger brother when he was little. If he got hurt, He'd always ask him "What are you crying for, crying is for girls, you're a boy, so suck it up." Now my brother never cries not even when our grandmother passed. If he does most likely it's behind closed doors. Today boys are taught to stay tough and never let your guard down. I believe it's helpful when it comes to protecting ones self but also sort of damaging because guys don't really express themselves or open up to people.
@Lauren Perussault
ReplyDeleteYou said that when you were entering preschool your mom cut your hair short, and that people probably would have mistaken you for a boy if you didn't have on a frilly dress.
Well i was born bald :) so my mom always kept me in a dress with a little head band around my head until i had a full head of hair. My baby pictures are hilarious.
@lexi wendt
ReplyDeleteI think it interesting how we change so much going from growing up a tomboy to becoming so lady like. I had a friend who, when we were little, was this softball player who loved fishing but once her dad passed away she became this tall, skinny model. I wonder if sometimes it depends who were raised by that determines are idea of gender? Also, i COMPLETELY agree with you on gender roles when it comes to manners!
@btparr
ReplyDeletemy family is the same way. Men and women provide for the family just in different ways. Honestly, I feel like both provide equally for the family. Also, my brother was brought up the same way, boys don't cry. I believe that this is an good way to bring up boys (due to the way society will treat a boy if he crys all time), as long as it not taken to extremes. Sure if a boys falls off his bike he does not need to scream and cry, but in times of death and loss its okay to cry. As long as the boy understand this, I believe he will grow up to be a great man.
@Ladylee13
ReplyDeleteI guess our stories are somewhat opposite. I also have 2 brothers but I always found myself wanting to be like them and you were more into the girly stuff. In a way this shows how people "do gender" in different ways. But this is a random coincidence, but I also danced at Dale Serano Studios. It's a small world.
@tiffanyunderwood
ReplyDeletereally for how many years? and when was your last year? i have to see your face to see do i remember you or have i seen you somewhere.
@ladylee13
ReplyDeleteI think that you and I grew up a lot alike. I didnt have sisters but i had a brother, and i never went through that tom boy stage like most of my friends did. I always would have my mom dress me up like a doll. To this day im still such a girly girl. I love dressing up, playing with accessories, and loving myself for me.
@btparr
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with your statement about gender roles. Women have come a long way in society over the years. Back in the day, society would have never given women as respect as they do today. Also, women have proven their strengths and showed that they can be successful without having that "male dominance."
@btparr
ReplyDeleteI have a little brother that was always told to be tough and never cry while growing up just like you were. However, i think it's ok for boys/men to shed a tear every now and then. As for the men working and women staying home in a family, i don't necessarily agree. I understand that many families do work this way, but i've always been raised to support myself. My family believes that a woman shouldnt have to rely on a male for support. A woman should be just as successful in every aspect of life that a man is; thats what makes us stronger people!
@amkey1
ReplyDeleteI really can relate to what Amkey1 is saying about her childhood as a girl. I was always dressed to impress and didn't want to get dirty at recess. I agree that I am my own person and no one makes me feminine I choose it. I try to always look my best and embrace all that I have as a woman to offer. I can stand proud and confident.
@matt cape
ReplyDeleteI liked to read this post because I have a older brother and I think he is a lot like you. Both you and my brother are both very athletic and enjoy doing what is considered "manly" activities. My parents are very open and never put presser on him. I think that is a very wise way to parent and to let the child pick what is interesting to him/her.
@C Taylor Clark
ReplyDeleteI totally agree that women are very capable of supporting themselves. I think it is very common to see women supporting themselves today. Also I think that being born and raised in the south it is very common to see the typical "sothern family" (Dad working and providing, mom staying home). It might just be a stereotype, but in my opinion there are a lot more working indapendent women up north. Just an opinion.
Growing up I was never told who I had to be. I was aware I was a girl, but never was told that I had to like girly things or act like a girl. My parents have always been my biggest support and with them by my side I grew into the person I am today. I was never expected to play with Barbies and love ballet, but I did. Sports were never a big part of my life, maybe because I am the least athletic person out there, but even with that I still didn't have a big interest in them. Tutu's and pink anything was all I needed.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I could look back on my life and honestly say that I felt any sort of limitation on anything. I had my days where I wanted to impress the opposite gender with drawing a cool ninja or collecting the most Pokymon cards, but never felt I couldn't do something. Boys were boys and it was clearly understood that I was a girl. I was brought up the correct way in my mind, never told who I had to be.
Getting older I have managed to just add more on my girly to-do list. I love painting my nails, doing my hair and makeup, and shopping around. I have a younger sister, and watching her grow into this beautiful young woman shows that I must have done a good job. My sister use to love boy things and loved sports. As my sister gets older you can see how she looks up to me and follows in my footsteps.
Going against your gender honestly says "stereotype". There is no honest way to go against your gender, because who created gender anyways? You can be boyish and still fully be a girl, or love shopping and fully be a guy. Going against something to me usually has to have some sort of set rules behind it. I do what I like, but that doesn't make me anymore of a girl then someone who doesn't like the color pink. Nothing has ever been expected out of my gender. My parents would accept me if I was purple, and had four eyes. I have always marched to my own beat and done what I loved, I just happened to follow the "rules" more than some others.
From the day I was born, i’ve been treated like the girl that I am. Never have I opened up a “nerf” gun at christmas or a remote control car on my birthday. However, I was never told that I could not do something because I was a girl. My family wanted me to succeed to my full potential in whatever made me happy, as they still do to this day! All they asked was that I had some common sense and acted lady like and polite. Although my family was like this, school and the world outside of the home was a different story.
ReplyDeleteNo matter how neutral a household can be, society is always going to put gender expectations on the people within the society. In my elementary years, recess was the highlight of my day. I was never expected to play wall-ball with the boys, but rather to hopscotch or play on the swing set-although this is gender expectation, its not like I actually had any interest in playing wall ball or hanging out with the guys. I was raised love girly things and I do. But at the same time, that expectation was always there, and although it didn’t bother me, I know there were girls in my class who would have loved to be playing wall-ball with the guys without it looking strange.
Now that I’m older, everything in my life has changed at least seven times. I am now much more experienced within my gender. I know what I like, what I don’t like, what i’m comfortable with and what drives me up the wall. Every morning, I get out of the shower, blow dry and straighten my hair, put makeup on and go. Boys don’t do that, but most girls do.
I don’t really see gender as whats expected of you, but I see I as what your more interested in. Girls and boys all share that common like of certain things and dislike of certain things, and that is what separates them from each other, not this gender expectancy.
@ C. Taylor Clark
ReplyDeletemy mom always dressed me up girly and i wanted to be dressed like that. today i still love dressing myself up every day, finding something to wear. i stand in the closet for a long time trying to put accessories, shoes, and clothes together. I cannot see myself just throwing on sweat pants and a big t-shirt everyday unless im going to walmart. i love to get dolled up
Many people inscribed gender to me at a young age. My parents, older sibling, friends, church, and teachers all played a part in defining how I should act with my gender. I feel that especially being born in the south, being lady like was not only an expectation but was the only way to be socially acceptable. We were to be dainty and to always keep composer while at the same time expressing our feels. The one large restraint I experienced growing up is that I was very active in sports. My main sport was softball, but it was hard to find a softball team at my age so I had to play baseball with the boys. Although the attention was nice being the only girl, I was teased and told I was not good enough, but a couple homeruns later all that went away. Some advantages to the way I was raised is that I did not have a brother and my dad had to travel with work, so my mom, sister, and I were in charge of all the household chores inside and outside. I liked being able to go cut the grass without question of it being “a man’s job”.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I was very athletically active all my life, it was frowned upon to go out in public without looking my best. After a game if I was dirty from softball, I had to go home and shower and change before our celebration dinner. Now that I am older I still believe in many of the things I was raised believing. Although I do admit I do not look my best walking to class or on a lazy Sunday. I still enjoy watching sports, even though sometimes I get embarrassed that I know more about the game than my date does, but most guys find that impressive, or that’s what they tell me at least. One way that I “do gender” is when I decide to go out on the town I am almost always dressed to impress high heels and all. This is both to look lady like and to build my own self-confidence. I clean my house regularly and I have a strong urge to take care of people.
It would be a lie if I said that media and those in the public eye did not have any sort of influence on how I “do gender”. I love reading magazines and watching E news to find out the celebrity gossip and what new clothes and trends are in. But at the same time I think that most celebrities are a good example because they are successful in their line of work and are independent women, with the obvious exceptions of coarse. Some of the celebrity women of the world do some very questionable and unladylike things, but that is not the example I choose to follow.
Gender has been clear cut all my life and to be honest I have never questioned it. I am proud of my female ancestors who took a stand so that we have all the rights and privileges we have today. When a girl, for example, would act out or her gender, sometimes she did not fit in with the other girls and school, socially was very difficult for her. I do not agree that is right, but unfortunately that is the way it is sometimes. I question what we as women can do to change things like this. I think women and men have the right to behave “in their gender” or “out of their gender” if they choose.